Be My Yung-Star Tonight
by Battywattywoo
Summary: A bad guy & a good girl fall in love. Sometimes you just have to expect the unexpected, as the Terrahawks' boss would say. I hope Gerry Anderson isn't turning in his grave!


The concert was about to begin: the Great Kate was to perform all her classic hits, plus material from her new album. "Ooh goody goody!" gurgled one enthusiastic audience-member, who had taken a Zeaf from Mars in order to attend. Granted, he had an ulterior motive: if he didn't feel too tired after the show, he would try to waylay Miss Kestrel, and force her to show him the location of the Terrahawks' stinking lair...But for now, he thought, he'd just relax and enjoy the gig.

Kate was on top form that night; and she looked her most exquisite. In between each song Stu Dapples handed her a different wig (longer than her usual ones), to change. So she sported waist-length ringlets of ever-differing hues: a soft rose-pink, then forget-me-not blue, then pale lilac, followed by a stunning white-blonde, then shimmering turquoise...Yung-Star gawped; maybe not ALL Earthlings were ugly idiots! He became aware of exciting sensations in his chest, and in his groin, that he had never experienced before. He drooled, and this time it was not from hunger. He whooped and applauded with the rest of the audience; and he rocked exuberantly in his chair when Kate sang Responsible, and Silver Blue Roller. As she crooned Be My Star Tonight, he vowed that he would soon have her warbling "Be my YUNG-Star tonight!" He asked himself, "And why not? I'm much more handsome than any of the other men here!"

So Yung-Star **did** pursue Kate to her waiting car, Hudson; but all evil intentions had fled his mind. When he approached her, she initially groaned "Oh no, not you!" She'd had a most successful but exhausting night, and she really couldn't cope with trouble from Zelda's clan at that moment. Yung-Star beseeched her, "Please listen, Kate Kestrel, I mean you no harm! I think I've fallen in love with you!" She snorted, "Yeah, right! I'm not going to fall into your trap. Now go away!" "Please! Your face is as gorgeous as your voice!" As she looked up at him, she realised that he was sincere: maybe the bad boy was reformed; and, now that he was no longer a danger, she acknowledged that he was rather cute, in a very unconventional way. Of course she was no stranger to male admiration, but somehow Yung-Star touched her heart in a way that none of her other fans had hitherto achieved.

She opened Hudson's door, and invited Yung-Star inside. She conceded that it still wouldn't be wise to bring him to Hawknest, so she ordered Hudson to her own grand abode. During the journey, Hudson attempted to make polite conversation, but then he realised that he wasn't going to get many replies, as his two occupants were too busy smooching.

Yung-Star was overwhelmed by the size and opulence of Kate's house: he exclaimed "Ooh!" at everything, from the elaborate **K** in each gate, to the ornate shiny gold-tiled bathroom. As Kate removed her hairpiece, Yung-Star remarked, "I'm glad you're not bald underneath your wig, like Cy-Star!" Kate giggled, "You're so sweet!" She pondered whether she should grow her real hair long; if she did, then she would really be "the Diana Ross of the 21st century," as the tabloids had dubbed her. Thinking how discombobulated her friends and Yung-Star's family would be if they knew about the new love affair, she wryly declared out loud "Well, you & I are set to be the 21st-century Romeo & Juliet!" Yung-Star retorted, "The what? I don't understand!" Kate chuckled, "Bless you, it doesn't matter!" He asked, "Where am I going to sleep?" Kate, now cosy in bed, patted the duvet, calling "Here! There's room enough for two!"

Over the following days, the other Terrahawks noticed that Kate appeared very preoccupied, in a world of her own, hardly concentrating on anyone's conversations in Hawknest; and she was always humming tunes, even more than might be expected from a rock-star. Upon visiting Spacehawk, to deliver a message to Lt. Hiro, she deposited a kiss on 101's shiny metallic forehead, then exited saying, "Isn't the universe a beautiful place?" Hiro exclaimed, "My delightful flowers are indeed brightening everyone's lives!" "Of course, Lieutenant," drolly replied 101.

One night Zero whispered, "Hey Dicks-hewitt!" Dix-huit protested, "Zut alors! Can't a soldier sleep in peace?" "But Dixy boy, have you noticed anything odd about Captain Kestrel recently?" "I think Mlle Kestrel is en amour!" "Yes, and I've heard her singing 'Be my YUNG-Star Tonight', more than once," said Zero. "Very strange! I hope it doesn't mean what I **think** it means!" Dr Ninestein appeared, and demanded, "Zero, what are you muttering about?" The shutter quickly rolled across Zero's eyes. When Tiger had disappeared, Zero contacted Spacehawk, telling 101 his suspicions, and seeking his opinion; the Space Sergeant observed, "Hmmm, the last time she came here, a scrap of paper fell out of her pocket. I saw that it had a love-heart, with the initials K + Y inside. As Alice said, curiouser & curiouser..."

Zero and Dix-huit rolled along through the sewer towards Kate's home, emerged through the nearest manhole, and bounced onto the branch of a tree near Kate's bedroom window. They peered in...What they saw made Dix-huit utter, "Non! Non! Sacré bleu!" Zero rotated round and round with shock, bellowing "My circuits can't stand this!"

Zelda, meanwhile, finally realised that her offspring had been absent for some time, and she decided to watch him through her crystal. Upon seeing him loved-up with Kate, she shrieked loudly. She had been hoping that a Martian maiden would soon take her imbecilic son off her hands; that would be good riddance! Besides, the youth was almost 100, now: very nearly an adult man. But the notion of any relative of hers becoming involved with a piece of Earth-scum, and a despicable Terrahawk at that, was just scandalous! It was not to be borne! She feared she would have an apoplexy. Cy-Star enquired, "What on Mars is the matter, Zelda?" After having a look through the crystal, Cy-Star twittered, "How romantic! Wonderful!" Zelda snarled, "Oh shut up, you simpering simpleton!"

Kate was looking glum one day: she had read that there were numerous people who loathed her all-time favourite TV series; they preferred the dreary older shows (such as one entitled _**Chunderbirds**_ ) made by the same creator, Terry Handerson. "Tasteless," she murmured. "They're such **bird-** brains, and I hope they die of **bird** flu!" Yung-Star responded, "They may be TASTEless, but think what a big TASTY banquet they'd all make for a hungry Sram!" The two lovers both laughed until their sides ached, as they jointly imagined the fearsome, mighty Sram devouring the moronic Handerson-fans, thoroughly crunching the critics' bones up, then finally emitting an Earth-shattering belch. "Oh Yung-Star, you are a tonic!" declared Kate, cuddling him close.

Zero was worrying; he finally decided to approach Captain Falconer. "Ma'am, there's something I think I should tell you," he ventured. "Yes, Sergeant Major, what is it?" smiled Mary. "Dick-Sweet and I, we rolled along to Miss Kestrel's house..." "We were being voyeurs," continued Dix-huit. "And oh quelle horreur!" "Ma'am, she wasn't alone in her bedroom," said Zero. "I just **knew** there was a man on her mind!" declared Mary, with an air of triumph. Then, sounding just a trifle hurt, "But she hasn't yet confided in me." "Ma'am, it wasn't just any man," explained Zero. "It was Zelda's lad!" "No!" gasped Mary, turning as white as a sheet, and checking on the calendar that it wasn't the 1st April.

On Mars, meanwhile, Zelda announced, "I have a plan. It will require the vocal assistance of dear little Goybirl..." Zelda waited until she could see, through the crystal, an off-duty Kate setting off for a woodland stroll with Yung-Star. The Terrahawks received a distress-call, from a juvenile voice: "I'm Sally-Ann, lost in the forest near you. Please help me!" They set off, scouring the forest. Hawkeye, modifying the lyrics of an ancient record, sang, "Hey Sally-Ann, what's your game...?" "I'm here! Please help!" They followed the direction of the voice, and eventually came across a clearing where there was no little girl, just a Zeaf with Zelda inside. She was holding a tape-recorder. A few yards away, the other Terrahawks saw Kate and Yung-Star embracing, near a tree. "Flaming thunderbolts!"

"This is Zelda! Yung-Star, stop this nonsense and come back home, otherwise I'll blast everyone here, including you, to smithereens!" A blanching Mary whispered "Surely even **she** wouldn't kill her own son?!" Yung-Star protested, "Leave us alone, Mother! I love Katy-babes!" "Good for you," breathed Mary. Then Zelda said, "You'll never have any granite crunchies again, if you remain on Earth!" That got him moving towards the Zeaf: although he had enjoyed some delightful times in Kate's arms, in her bed, he decided that nothing could eclipse the pleasure of granite crunchies. "It's been fun, Katy," he told the pop-star, giving her a final hug; then he yelled, "I'm coming, Mummy! Wait for me!" "Once a glutton, always a glutton," muttered Ninestein. Yung-Star then apparently vanished into thin air, and the Terrahawks said in unison, "Zelda reclaims her own."

Back at Hawknest, later, Kate was sobbing her heart out; Mary had her arms around her. "Men! They're all b..." wailed Kate. Zero cleared his "throat" in an affronted manner. "Oh come on, Zero, you're hardly a man!" scoffed Ninestein. "What reason have I to go on living, now I've lost Yung-Star?" despaired Kate. "Well ma'am, you have us!" declared Zero. "Yes, we all care about you very much," soothed Mary. 55 quipped, "I feel I must say: there are plenty more stars in the sky, Miss K!" "But there's only one Yung-Star!" sniffled Kate. "Well thank heavens for that, mm hm hm!" chortled Zero, in an aside to Dix-huit. Eventually, Kate pulled herself together, gave a tremulous watery smile, walked towards the window and looked in the direction of Mars, saying "Yung-Star, I hope you're happy with your granite crunchies!"

In Anderburr Studios the following week, Kate had just finished recording a sad ballad entitled My Life is Bleak Without You, when Stu Dapples approached her, with a bouquet of roses, shyly enquiring, "Miss Kestrel, please would you, like, come out with me for a meal tomorrow?" Kate ruffled his hair, and replied, "Yes, why not, Stu? After all, you're rather sentastic!"


End file.
